Dealing with Conflict in the Workplace by Holding the Calm | Hesha Abrams

Unlocking Workplace Peace: Mastering Conflict with Hesha Abrams’ “Holding the Calm”

In today’s fast-paced world, conflict isn’t just inevitable—it’s everywhere. Whether it’s an office showdown over a missed deadline, a power struggle in the boardroom, or just an everyday misunderstanding, how we manage tension can make or break professional relationships.

On The KAJ Masterclass LIVE, we sat down with internationally acclaimed peacemaker, attorney, mediator, negotiator, and author Hesha Abrams, to unpack real-world strategies from her powerful book “Holding the Calm: The Secret to Resolving Conflict and Diffusing Tension.”

And the truth? Conflict resolution isn’t about being calm—it’s about holding the calm, even when everything around you feels like chaos.

Why “Holding the Calm” Matters More Than Ever

Most people think staying calm is enough. But Hesha puts it plainly: “It’s easy to be calm when you like someone. What about when you don’t?” Conflict doesn’t wait for us to be composed—it erupts when we least expect it. That’s why her concept of holding the calm is so powerful: it’s about anchoring yourself in the storm so others can follow.

She’s helped resolve disputes for tech giants like Google, Facebook, and IBM. She’s negotiated settlements over high-stakes lawsuits—including a case involving the secret recipe for Pepsi. But what she teaches applies just as well to managing a difficult colleague or navigating office politics.

Three Big Takeaways for Every Workplace

1. Diagnose Before You RespondJumping into a conflict too quickly often backfires. Hesha explains that in every tension-filled moment, our brains instantly size each other up through the amygdala—the part responsible for fight or flight. That’s why listening, pausing, and diagnosing the conflict before responding is essential.

Tip: Ask questions before making statements. It calms the situation and gives you insight others miss.

2. Use “We” Instead of “I”Hesha's neuroscience-based approach proves that even our choice of pronouns affects conflict. Saying “we” instead of “I” subconsciously signals safety and partnership, not opposition.

Try this: Instead of “I need this by Friday,” say “How can we get this done by Friday?”—it builds cooperation without confrontation.

3. Reciprocity & Respect Work Faster Than ForceOne of the most powerful conflict diffusers? Sincere appreciation. As Hesha shared, saying “You know what I admire about you…” immediately shifts a tense conversation. It’s unexpected, disarming, and humanizing.

Even if you disagree, finding something you respect—like someone’s passion or dedication—opens a path to dialogue.

Conflict is About Power. Master It with Tools.

As Hesha explains, at its core, every conflict boils down to power—who has it, who wants it, and how it’s being used. But power doesn’t have to be forceful. In fact, the smartest negotiators are subtle, composed, and patient.

In her book, Hesha gives 20 practical tools that anyone can start using immediately. These aren’t just theories—they’re tried-and-tested methods from years in the trenches of legal and corporate battlefields.

Whether you’re a CEO, manager, team lead, or just trying to survive another tense Zoom call, “Holding the Calm” is your new go-to guide.

Final Word: Stop Managing Conflict. Start Leading Through It.

Conflict isn’t going away. But with the right mindset and tools, you don’t just manage it—you lead through it.

As Hesha says: “The fear of the bullet is more powerful than shooting it.” Real strength lies in not pulling the trigger, but knowing when and how to hold the calm.

To hear the full conversation and practical techniques straight from Hesha Abrams, watch the episode now on The KAJ Masterclass LIVE.

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